I love my gym! It’s not the biggest of gyms but I wouldn’t think to switch ever (despite my threats when they tried to raise my membership fee ). It’s well-equipped and more importantly a mere 8-minute walk away from my place.
As I am quite the regular, I tend to see quite a few same faces day in and day out. Even though I’m plugged into my iPod most of the time, the familiarity arouses a sense of warmth. There are some members who I want to say something to but don’t. I am not a qualified trainer but over the years I’ve made workout mistakes, learned from them, and would love to help others avoid making the same errors. If minding my own business wasn’t an issue, here’s what I would say to some of them:
Dear Lady who loves the arc trainer,
Stop using the same machine day in and day out. Whether you’re trying to improve your fitness or lose weight, you need to keep challenging your body. If you want to get scientific about it, Google the SAID Principle. On a separate note, please stop hogging the machine when you can see others are waiting for it: there’s a 30-minute max rule for a reason, buddy!
Dear Lady who was running at the far left treadmill this morning,
Even though you have plenty of weight to lose, way to go on showing up almost every morning! I was you at once upon a time and I promise you will reach your goals if you continue sticking to it!
Dear Personal Trainer who is absolutely ripped,
I know you’ve worked hard for your body but that attitude has got to go, as does that arrogant smile. And protein shakes aren’t the cure for everything. That is all.
Dear European Girl,
I get the feeling my accent makes you feel at home. The feeling is mutual, so next time let’s exchange more than just a smile.
Dear Lady with an overly-endowed chest,
Wear a bra!
Dear Everyone who holds onto the treadmill railings:
It’s a terrible habit that reduces the training effects of your workout. You’re worsening your posture and reducing your weight load. If you need to hold on, you’re obviously going too fast so lower you speed or incline instead!
Dear Lady who is squatting more than most of the men,
You’re an inspiration!
Dear Guy with big arms and gorgeous eyes,
You’re one of the few Indian men I’ve seen with grayish/green eyes. Whether they’re contacts or natural, I’m sorry if you’ve ever caught me staring into them. Stay pretty.
Dear Lady lifting the 2.5 lb dumbbells,
We both know you can lift heavier. Rather than doing 20 reps, increase your weights so that you’re fatigued after 12 reps. We girls don’t have enough testosterone to bulk up Schwarzenegger-style. If you want to see results and speed up your metabolism, you really need to shock and stress the muscle i.e. lift heavy.
Dear Man who hopped on the treadmill next to me the other day,
There are 5 free treadmills: why do you have to come to the one right next to me? I don’t think I would have so much of an issue about it if your excessive use of cologne didn’t suffocate me!
If decency wasn’t an issue, what would you say to fellow gym members?